101.3 The River

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Mike's Top Five

Why you may not be able to keep your New Year's resolution
Top five reasons why you may not be able to keep your New Year's resolution.
#5. It seems really stupid now.
#4. You can't remember what it was.
#3. Everyone else is making it difficult for you to do it and that's why you can never keep any of your resolutions.
#2. You accidentally forgot and have already done it twice, so it's too late.
#1. That damn patch won't stick and the gum tastes like shoes!
Disappointing Christmas gifts this year
Not all Christmas gifts are appreciated. Top five disappointing Christmas gifts this year.
#5. The Nintendo Woo you bought from that guy behind the mall.
#4. Basic Instinct Three ? the musical.
#3. The home made Furby. Made from real fur and real bees.
#2. Zamfir's Panflute Hero!
#1. The little piece of paper under the tree that promises a Wii, as soon as they become available.
Prepare for school
(from January 2008)
It’s back to school on Monday. Top five ways to prepare for back to school.
#5. Practice frantically making lunches for kids that no one will eat.
#4. Dig out your gym strip from the bottom of your back pack and send it over to PG Esporta.
#3. Discover the location of that missing tuna sandwich from December 21st. In between the seats of the mini van.
#2. Reconfigure your empty advent calender to countdown to the next Pro D day in February.
#1. Suddenly remember your home work at about nine o’clock Sunday night.
Top five ways to tell 2008 is almost over.
Top five ways to tell 2008 is almost over.
#5. You're on the last page of the calander.
#4. You're pretty sure the bathroom scale must be broken.
#3. You're starting to get the Visa-sweats, anticipating January's Visa bill.
#2. You're totally psych'd about your annual Cheeto and Merlo Couch Party with Ryan Seacrest and Dick Clark.
#1. After a week of turkey, sweets, treats and Wii workouts, your new fashion statement for work is stretchy pants and sweaters from your 90's closet!
My annual contribution to the Christmas recipe exchange
Christmas Moose-Nose Soup
Ingredients:
1 large moose nose
4 large cans of baked beans
sliced and diced wieners (to taste)
3 large bags of Hawkin's cheesies
1 32oz bottle of Ouzo
Preparation:
1.Shoot a Moose. Secure the nose. Discard the rest.
2.Boil the large moose nose (in a large pot) for two or three days over an open fire. Keep adding water to the pot to prevent the nose from boiling dry. Dry boiled moose nose can produce a very strong odor (but he won't be able to smell it).
3.Once the nose has been boiled, remove the soft outer skin shell and any errant hairs and mucus that might be present. Use the two nasal cavities as finger slots to hold the nose while removing it's sundry casings and contents (this will prevent bruising and dislodgement of the soft inner mucus, tissue and crusty remnants).
(Still reading?)
4.Add the prepared nose to another large pot and then add the beans and wieners. Bring contents to a boil then quickly reduce to a simmer. Simmer until all the flavors have had a chance to blend (4 or 5 days).
(Authors note: At this point some recipes call for the addition of a gerbil or squirrel. This is not necessary with my recipe, as the texture deficiency will be made up for using the cheesies. However if you prefer ?old school Moose-Nose soup?, you may add your rodent at the stage. The availability of some rodents is season dependent.)
5.Serve the dish in a bowl or on a plate with the cheesies as a side or a topping. The number of servings depends on how long since your last meal!
6.After your first bite, you'll know what to do with the Ouzo.
Merry Christmas!